Conflict Resolution 101

You don't need a degree in psychology or mediation training to get better at turning arguments into productive conversations. Conflict resolution is a skill that can be learned by understanding and practicing the following core principles.

1. Try to recognize and understand what the conflict is really about, which might be a person's deeper needs such as:

•       To be heard

•       To be valued

•       To be treated fairly

•       To have some control over one's environment

2. Slow down before you respond so you don't say something you may regret

•       Buy time by:

–      Asking a clarifying question

–      Saying you want to think about it for a minute

–      Asking for a short break

3. Listen to the other person to understand where they're coming from (not just to respond)

•       Practice active listening; give the other person your full attention

•       Do not interrupt

•       Reflect back to ensure you understand what the other person is saying

4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, i.e.:

•       “I feel [emotion] when [specific situation] because [the impact it has]” e.g., “I feel frustrated when decisions are made without my input because I end up having to undo work I’ve already done.”

•       Focus on your experience instead of the other person's character or intentions